The Girl at the Corner

     I didn’t notice at first. Something about the usual scenery I go past every day had changed; not so obviously, but it had changed.

    I can’t exactly remember when I first noticed the girl at the corner, sitting on the ground – motionless. Her hair fell around her delicate shoulders like soft waves on a summer’s evening, and in her little hands she held a small pouch. For some reason it occurred to me that the girl didn’t really fit into this place, and I presumed that she was waiting for someone.

I turned around the corner and followed the long shadows of a man and the dog he was walking on a leash. I was in no rush, as I was taking it nice and easy – as I usually did. All of a sudden, the huge animal turned around and looked me straight in the eyes. But no sooner did I take a deep breath than it gave a pathetic whimper before braking loose and running away. With a deep sigh I carried on walking. What a crazy world this was.

    My light steps led me, as always, to my favourite place under the big oak tree next to the fountain, where I could muse and ponder to my heart’s content and where I could let my thoughts wander about freely and without restraint. At this time of day, as in fact any time of the day, the street was always busy. Even so, all the hustle and bustle didn’t disturb my thoughts, since I had learned over the years to keep all the noise and commotion from getting inside my head.

    Ah, my thoughts – so what exactly were my thoughts? Maybe this wasn’t the right expression. In fact, it was inaccurate. It would’ve been more precise to call it my emptiness instead, because in my mind there was only emptiness that had crept in a long time ago. Anyhow, it didn’t matter, since it didn’t bother anyone and, least of all, it bothered me.

    I remember, if only vaguely, a time long ago when I still had hopes, expectations and desires. But that had been ages ago, and at some point these feelings began to fade until they finally disappeared completely from my mind and my heart. Why this had happened and why they had vanished I wouldn’t be able to say, and I believe it is no longer relevant. Thinking about this made no difference anymore.

    And now I was free – utterly and totally. So I was sitting here today, as I had been yesterday and the evening before and as I probably will be tomorrow and the day after. Actually, I got used to this habit a long time ago, since no one, not a single soul in the whole wide world, was waiting for me.

    I came to sit here every day, every week and every month. I came to sit here every spring and every autumn; every summer and every winter. And each year I would watch the green leaves of the oak tree turn yellow before they finally fell down to make for a soft bed of leaves on the ground. Truth be told, this bed was a lot more than I could say of the place I was sleeping in, which wasn’t soft at all, much less comfortable. Come to think of it, I shouldn’t even be calling it a bed!

    So I was sitting here under the pretty oak tree, happy to be allowed to, when a sudden thought crossed my mind. The girl! I couldn’t remember when I first noticed her. Why was she waiting at the corner? What was she hiding in the pouch she carried with her every day? And then a second thought came to my mind. So many people walked past the girl; why didn’t anyone notice her? She always sat there on the floor, silently holding the pouch in her hands. So I was sitting here, watching the tree’s branches, thinking to myself that something was different about the girl today. Oh yes, something definitely was different, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I was contemplating for a while now, when something caught my attention. A yellow leaf had only just detached itself from one of the branches and started falling down. Elegantly it danced and gracefully it turned to the gentle beat of the evening breeze, like a pretty ballerina doing a pirouette. The leaf somehow reminded me of the girl who had looked at me with friendly eyes.

    Then it clicked … that was it! I remembered all of a sudden. When I turned around the corner today, the girl wasn’t looking at the floor as she used to do; she had looked me in the eye for the first time.

    That was incredible!

    Although I passed by the same spot every day, I hadn’t even noticed that the girl was actually looking at me this time. So it should come as no surprise that I didn’t know what colour her eyes were. But even so, how was that possible? Passing by a person every day and not knowing their eye colour? It was almost unbearable to me, and I had to find out what colour her eyes were.

    Just when I was about to get up, a young woman sat down next to me, holding a packet in her hands. She took out one of those delicious fruits that I never had the chance to savour – a juicy date – and put it in her mouth. Then she took out a second one; she didn’t seem to mind me watching her.

    Well, I have to admit that there had been a time when her inattentiveness would have irritated me. I would’ve considered it rude. You see, had it been the other way around, I would certainly have offered her some of my food. But not now, not anymore. It has been a very long time since I last cared whether people were being nice to me or not. So I got up and left the place under the oak tree. It was time for me to pass by the girl at the corner.

    As I went all the way back, people hurried past me, as if to win a race, and whenever they bumped into me, they just raced on without apologizing. There had been a time when it would’ve seemed important to me that people at least gave me an embarrassed smile of some sort; I would’ve been content with them just turning around in my direction with a glance of regret – perhaps some need for an apology. But now it didn’t bother me anymore.

    I had almost reached the place where the girl was sitting. She had to be there, she was always there! I started to walk a little faster because I felt anxious that she might have left already, and then after finally reaching the corner, I saw with a sigh of relief that she was still sitting there – waiting.

    She smiled, as if she had known that I would come back. She stretched out her hand. “Here, this belongs to you!”

    “To me?” Surprised, I looked at the girl, but didn’t dare to move.

    “The whole time I’ve been keeping this for you, but now you must take it!”

    People were walking past us; they didn’t seem to notice us talking. Everybody was so busy with themselves.

    “All this time you have been –” I didn’t go any further.

    As if the girl already knew what I wanted to say, she nodded. “Yes, I’ve been waiting for you all this time!”

    I shook my head in disbelief. “But that’s impossible. There’s no one in this wide world waiting for me!” My words were no more than a whisper.

    The look on her face became sad. “It’s a shame you think that way.”

    “Why?” I asked.

    “Because there’s always someone in this whole wide world waiting for you; just like I’ve been doing all along.” She opened her hand, offering me the pouch again. “Here, this belongs to you … take it!”

    I took it from her hand. “What’s in there?”

    A smile brightened up her solemn face. “Don’t you want to open it?” she said.

    I hesitated – somehow I didn’t. But then I slowly opened the little sachet. In my hand it felt as light as a feather and as delicate as a flower, but something else felt unbearably heavy instead. That heart of mine, which I didn’t know I still had, felt as if it was about to burst.

    People were passing by, still not heeding us at all. Softly she said, “You have been in the same place for too long now. Don’t you think it’s time to move on?”

    “But the leaves of the oak tree have only just turned yellow! I can’t help it, I can’t bear not to watch them as they prepare their beautiful bed at the foot of the tree.”

   The girl smiled. “How much longer?”

   A tear rolled down my cheek. “As long as possible.”

   The girl looked at me, and in her eyes I could see that she understood. “It’s time to move on.”

    I nodded as sadness filled my heart. “I know.” I looked at my hand; it was empty. The pouch had disappeared, and I felt a sudden surge of panic in my chest. “It’s gone – I don’t understand!” I gave her an alarmed look.

    “Don’t worry, it has made its way into your heart.” The girl smiled. “Reach deep within you and you’ll be able to feel it!”

   I held still and – yes, there it was. That feeling that I’d completely forgotten about. Like a growing wave it spread across my cold heart, but I couldn’t recall its name. “I – I have no memory of this.”

    She gave me the most heartwarming smile. “People call it peace!”

    Peace!

    It sounded like an alien word coming from a different world. And then a faint memory started to stir inside me. Peace – what a beautiful name! So this was what I was suddenly feeling and what tore apart the heaviness in my heart to fill it instead with a tender lightness and a long forgotten warmth.

    The girl looked me in the eye. “Go back to your bed! Lie down and go to sleep, for you’re no longer alone.”

    I nodded. This newly found peace of mine would now make it easier for me to fall asleep. “I’ll miss the oak tree. I’ll miss the dancing leaves.” I whispered.

    “Of course you will,” the girl said gravely. She got to her feet and smiled. In her hands she was holding another pouch. “I have to go now. I’m needed elsewhere; you don’t need me anymore. So long, my child!” And before I could ask her any more questions, the girl had disappeared into the crowd. I looked for her among all the people that were rushing left and right of me, but I couldn’t find her anywhere.

    Disappointed, I turned around and walked back home, as I had done every day. I couldn’t get the girl out of my mind, and it shocked me to realize that – again – I wasn’t able to say what colour her eyes were. I saw her brown hair before me. Or was it perhaps blonde or black … or maybe white? I didn’t know anymore. I just couldn’t remember.

    Slowly the hustle became less, and the surroundings became quieter and more peaceful and serene. Here, in this place, nobody was in a rush. I turned around, and in my mind I went all the way back to the oak tree thinking how pretty it must be looking now, dressed up in its yellow garb. Soon it will have finished shedding its leaves and arranging its soft bed – such a beautiful bed!

    But today, for once, I felt the calm in my chest and the tranquility in my heart. I wasn’t alone, for peace was with me now. Today I would be able to sleep just as well in my own bed.

    I sighed, and with a smile I went back to my grave.